The Fat Kid Road Trip part 4: The Search for Spock

 Call me Ishmael.

Okay, don't actually do that, but finding the Moonshine Store was like our white whale. We crossed what felt like an endless sea of green fields, spying the waves of corn and hearing only our stomachs rumble in anticipation for something we were only mostly sure existed. Joey's epic road trip play list (which consisted of two techno remixes and the entire Ronnie James Dio cover album) did little to cure our impatience as the GPS led us deeper and deeper into the exact middle of nowhere.

My point is, if you ever feel like going to the Moonshine Store yourself, don't be discouraged by the absolute lack of anything anywhere. Likewise, don't be daunted by what looks like an old farmhouse, because that's exactly what this place is.

STOP FOUR

Name: Moonshine Store

Locations: Martinsville, IL

Suggested by: Joel

Some say he's written works that would put Chaucer to shame. All we know is, he's Joel.

Despite the extremely remote location the Moonshine Store is a crowded place. Located at 6017 E. 300^th Rd in Martinsville, the store is open from 6 a.m. to 1 p.m., and you'd best not wait until the last minute to get there, because once they run out of beef, they close up shop for the day on the spot.

The inside of the facility is like if all the nick-knacks of a hundred Cracker Barrels were swept in by a tornado of charmingly quaint antiquities. There are no tables, no chairs, just a counter to order, a table of condiments a rack of chips and some coolers of drinks. Memorabilia aside, it's probably the most straightforward and least gimmicky establishment I've ever experienced. When you sit down at the picnic tables outside the building though, you aren't worried about that. No, you've trekked through some of the most barren stretches of Illinois to get here, and you're only worry is whether the food in front of you is up to par.

Did it ever exceed my expectations. To have a place this far from any town, this far from what could reasonably be called your target buyers, and to have it be so crowded, you have to be doing something right, and what the Moonshine Store does right are the burgers. I have no idea what they do, I don't know what kind of beef they use, but something about the way these things are cooked makes for a wonderful slab of meat on a bun.  

Whether or not the food is worth the trip probably depends entirely on how much you like hamburger, or beef in general. If you like it as much as I do, then this one is a no-brainer.

The Fat Kid Road Trip Part 1: The Beginning

Between start of the World Cup, and the coming of Independence day, there was an age undreamed of. Hither came three men, destined to consume the greatest dishes in all of Illinois (and some in other states). It is I alone who can tell you of our story.

Let me tell you of the days of the Fat Kid Road Trip.

Hey, it's still better than this one.

The Fat Kid Road Trip began when Joemiroquoi's Joey Mason and I were talking after our podcast, “MikeJoeSoft” (available at https://soundcloud.com/joemirocrew) when we realized something that would forever alter our destiny: we like to eat. We talked about where and what and just how long we estimated we had until our hearts gave out, and we came to the decision that a great journey was needed. From Milwaukee to St. Louis we would roam, stopping and feasting at the best places that the road had to offer.

We mapped out our course, and invited our third friend, Joel “The unGoogleable Man” to aid us in this mighty deed.

Some say he hasn't eaten anything he didn't kill with his bare hands. All we know is, he's Joel.

STOP ONE

Name: Alehouse Pub

Location: Kankakee, IL

Suggested by: Geekasaurus Mike

They say that the journey of 10,000 miles begins with a single step. In our case, the journey of significantly fewer miles began with a trip down the street, to the Alehouse Pub. I had been there once before, and the moment my food was brought out I knew it had to be a stop on the Fat Kid Road Trip. Though from the outside it may advertise itself as a bar for craft beers, the burgers are some of the best you're likely to find.

Take for example, the Tennessean (show picture) ordered by Joey. That's a kobe beef patty topped with pulled pork and deep-fried Mac N' Cheese.

BEHOLD

I will take a moment to allow your heart to stop freaking out at the idea. 

I myself got a burger called “The Cheesehead”, a Bison beef burger smothered in cheese with cheese curds on the top. 

Dangerously cheesy

When you order a burger at the Alehouse, you select your type of burger, your meat (angus, kobe, bison or veggie) the type of bun (regular or pretzel) and toppings. There is no way I know of to go wrong with any combination, but I'd be more than willing to do some experimenting to find out.

The pub also boasts an extensive beer menu, one that changes all the time to fit the season. If you're like me and love your beer as black as the night, or if you walk on the lighter side, Alehouse Pub in Kankakee has you covered.

Unfortunately, we had just missed the bluegrass band that had been performing, but local musicians are a regular commodity at the Alehouse, and it's free admission to all of them.

The Alehouse Pub provided some of the best burgers, fries and beer that any of us had experienced, but it was not being compared to McDonald's and Burger King. To hold it's place, it would have to contend with some of the best beef in the State. Would it hold that title? Find out next time.