Why Twilight is bad.

I don't like Twilight, and here's why. This was made years ago, and I apologize for the audio problems.

TV 4U: Storage Wars

The Antique Roadshow was never a show that I particularly looked forward to watching. Really, the only satisfaction I think anyone ever gleaned from it was watching people bring in their most treasured item, only to be told it was worthless and have their dreams of wealth shattered before the camera.

Or is that just me?

However, being the absurdly busy man that I am, I rarely have time to watch television before, say, 10-11pm, and at that point, there is really only one show on that I consistently enjoy:

I can't really say what it is about this program that fascinates me. For all I know, it could just be because I never want to look for the remote to find something else.

The essential premise is that when storage lockers in the US are abandon, they are sold to the highest bidder, who must take a gamble on what he thinks may be inside (they are not allowed to enter the locker before purchasing.) There are apparently some people who stock shops with things found in these lockers, and people who just want to collect rare and unusual things, and they are the focus of the show. They go in, bid on lockers, and see who came out with the highest profit, usually having to consult some kind of expert on an unusual item they found.

There are two things that I really think the show has going for it. The first is the colorful cast of characters (and yes, anyone on a reality show, even A&E, is a character the producers edited together for you) who all leave their own impression. Brandi's frustration with her husband Jarred's purchases, Dave's confidence to the point of arrogance and constant “YUUUUUUUP”s and of course Barry.

0% expert. 50% of the entertainment value

Barry is the second thing that makes this show tick, simply because he usually fails. He's not in it to earn money, but to collect interesting items, so it's not like he's going to make himself broke and stop appearing after the first episode. Barry is always that guy on the Antique Roadshow who brings his items to an expert, and generally either gets told that it's worthless, or not even close to what he paid for it.

So is there a downside to this show? Well, Brandi can be grating at times, to the point that it becomes distracting. There's also the fact that some of the estimates they give on the value of certain pieces (for example: absolutely anything Dave estimates) is unbelievably high, so I have trouble believing the final numbers.

I bet I could get like...a bijillion dollars for this.

I can easily see how someone wouldn't like this show on the grounds that it's kind of a silly premise, and maybe it's just not their thing. If you have some time to waste, however, I think you could do far worse than Storage Wars.

TV 4U: Full Metal Jousting

As what feels like a betrayal to all of my fellow men, I am not into sports. I really could not care less whether the Bears or Tiger Woods win the World Cup.

I think he just scored a goal here...

I just find a bunch of grown men playing games I learned in elementary school PE for a living to be...well...about what I just described. I'm not interested. However, if you were to strap medieval suits of armor to these men, then put them on 2,000 lbs beasts of burden, then have them try to ram another armored guy off his horse with a ten foot pole arm, you have my attention. Thus, I bring you my thoughts on the recent History Channel series: Full Metal Jousting.

From the first advertisement for the series, my interest was piqued.

The show is pretty simple: professional riders and medieval showmen have come to compete in a real jousting competition for a large cash prize. For the sake of pairing, the competitors have been divided into two teams, the red and the black, to whittle away at each others numbers.

Each episode of Full Metal Jousting is divided into three segments: choosing the competitors who will square off, a training period, and the actual joust. Occasionally some kind of drama within the teams will be advertised, but it's rarely anything as serious as the previews make it out to be.

YOU MEAN REALITY TV LIES TO ME?!

So what works? Well, the detail that they put into how jousting works. The show takes time to educate the audience on how the game works, and the proper way to do it, rather than focusing too heavily on the nonexistent drama between the jousters. This lets us fully appreciate what we're seeing, and has its focus on the right aspect of the event.

The downside? As much as I like this show, I honestly can't imagine jousting taking off for a few reasons, despite how many competitors want to be “professional jousters. The big problem is: the amount of equipment involved. Armor, horses, lances, it all just adds more and more cost. Second, the skills required simply aren't widespread enough amongst the populace. How many professional polo players do you hear about? Very little.

Not exactly Wheaties material.

For what it is though, Full Metal Jousting is a good game show, and I would definitely argue that it's a sporting event. It may be confined to the TV or medieval fair, but its totally worth a ride.

Third Panel Reviews: Adam West's Batman

Holy Bat-Shark Repellant Batman!