Every once in awhile, a movie comes along that challenge our notions of good and evil. A film where we must wonder who is truly the monster. A movie that turns our nightmares, into our friends. I can say, good people, with great confidence, that Sci-Fi has created such a masterpiece. They called it: Jersey Shore Shark Attack.
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| Oh this si just going to be a treat... |
For indeed, who could not have empathy with the noble creatures of the sea as we follow their plight against the nightmarish, alien creatures that haunt the shore?
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| HIDE YOUR WOMEN AND CHILDREN!! |
I'm sorry, but the actually citizens of the titular Jersey Shore cannot possibly be the heroes of the movie. Each and every one is a vain, loud-mouthed, self-centered lunatic, and frankly, you'll hope to see more get eaten with each passing scene. At least it's an "original" cast, with such memorable characters as "The Complication" and "Nookie." I bet you can't think of a single specific other program that has used names incredibly similar to that.
So what is this movie about? Well, the story goes that a greedy oil tycoon...or business owner...something like that, is using some kind of underwater tool that is attracting "albino sharks" to the shore. The sharks eat a few people (FAR too few in my opinion) the main cast catches on to the threat and proceeds to...throw fireworks at the sharks. Yes. That is plan A. Of course it doesn't work and they end up blowing up the boat of the people we're clearly not supposed to like, but who, frankly, have every good reason to hate the main characters given the whole, you know...blowing up their boat thing.
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| THESE people. I cannot even bring myself to side against THESE people. |
Easily the best character of the flick is former singing icon Joey Fatone. His performance of an old singer wondering just what in the hell has happened to his career to lead him to Jersey Shore is just spot on. You can really tell that he is almost living his performance.
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| I'm sorry, you want me to act in WHAT? |
Yeah, some other stuff happens, but I suppose you'd have no reason to see the movie if I told you about it here. However, do I recommend you see it? Well, almost every aspect of the film is so terrible its funny, so I suppose if you have nothing else to do with your evening, you might just find a chuckle with this flick.
