Hollywood
is nothing if not consistent. If a movie makes it big, you can bet
they'll turn the production of that genre up to overdrive, causing
and explosion of mediocre, uninspired, rushed-out the-door
bastardized versions of their source material to cash in on the
success of a single film.
Oh
wait? Did I say explosions? You know what that means: it's Michael
Bay time!
Yes,
Michael Bay is back for (God help us) Transformers 4, but more
recently, it's been revealed that he will be at the helm of a new
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. He's resurrected one 80's
franchise with...let's just say spotty success, so it only makes
sense for him to lead another. What's his first move?
Over-sexualizing April O'Neal to the point of being unrecognizable,
or worse yet, played by Megan Fox?
No,
his first move was to announce that his version of the Turtles is to
make them aliens.
Okay...Michael...I
understand you've been successful, and that maybe you think you're
entitled to make a few artistic changes to the source material, and
usually I would defend that kind of thing. Movies, after all, can't
reasonably be expected to exactly copy the TV show, book, comic, toy
or what have you, despite fan outcry. However, Mr. Bay, I would like
to point out part of the show that I'm sure you might have looked
into: the title of the entire franchise.
See,
there are a few things here that you're contradicting, specifically
the mutant and the turtles part. If the turtles are part of an alien
race that looks like turtles, then they are no longer mutants, and
even if their species just looks like turtles, they still
aren't turtles.
They're aliens. That's half of the very title of the movie that
you've made utterly moot in one fell swoop. And people complained
about the design of Optimus Prime in Transformers...
Okay,
so to be totally honest, I'm not all that peeved about it. Yeah,
sure, when I first heard about it I was ready to spawn a table out of
rage just to flip it, but the more I thought about it, the less of a
big deal it became. First, this would only be the third worst thing
to happen to TMNT after the “Coming Out of Their Shell” and Venus
De Milo.
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| EVERY OUNCE OF MY HATE |
And
besides, as far as comic book re-imaginings and reboots go, just
changing their origin is fairly tame. I mean, who's to say they
weren't sent down as turtles, along with the ooze, so they could pull
an Aliens
and combine with the DNA of a native species? There are a dozen ways
to make this work, and even if they don't bother to try to fit it in
previous continuity, is that really
why you're going to see a Michael Bay adaptation in the first place?
No. You go to see explosions. And if I can guarantee one thing, it
will be explosions.
And
hopefully a lack of Venus De Milo.
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| MY HATE. ALL OF IT. |
