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Teenge Mutant Ninja Turtles+Michael Bay=?????

Hollywood is nothing if not consistent. If a movie makes it big, you can bet they'll turn the production of that genre up to overdrive, causing and explosion of mediocre, uninspired, rushed-out the-door bastardized versions of their source material to cash in on the success of a single film.

Oh wait? Did I say explosions? You know what that means: it's Michael Bay time!

Yes, Michael Bay is back for (God help us) Transformers 4, but more recently, it's been revealed that he will be at the helm of a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. He's resurrected one 80's franchise with...let's just say spotty success, so it only makes sense for him to lead another. What's his first move? Over-sexualizing April O'Neal to the point of being unrecognizable, or worse yet, played by Megan Fox?

No, his first move was to announce that his version of the Turtles is to make them aliens.

Okay...Michael...I understand you've been successful, and that maybe you think you're entitled to make a few artistic changes to the source material, and usually I would defend that kind of thing. Movies, after all, can't reasonably be expected to exactly copy the TV show, book, comic, toy or what have you, despite fan outcry. However, Mr. Bay, I would like to point out part of the show that I'm sure you might have looked into: the title of the entire franchise
See, there are a few things here that you're contradicting, specifically the mutant and the turtles part. If the turtles are part of an alien race that looks like turtles, then they are no longer mutants, and even if their species just looks like turtles, they still aren't turtles. They're aliens. That's half of the very title of the movie that you've made utterly moot in one fell swoop. And people complained about the design of Optimus Prime in Transformers...

Okay, so to be totally honest, I'm not all that peeved about it. Yeah, sure, when I first heard about it I was ready to spawn a table out of rage just to flip it, but the more I thought about it, the less of a big deal it became. First, this would only be the third worst thing to happen to TMNT after the “Coming Out of Their Shell” and Venus De Milo.

And besides, as far as comic book re-imaginings and reboots go, just changing their origin is fairly tame. I mean, who's to say they weren't sent down as turtles, along with the ooze, so they could pull an Aliens and combine with the DNA of a native species? There are a dozen ways to make this work, and even if they don't bother to try to fit it in previous continuity, is that really why you're going to see a Michael Bay adaptation in the first place? No. You go to see explosions. And if I can guarantee one thing, it will be explosions.

And hopefully a lack of Venus De Milo.